Deep inside

its killing me.


Ya Allah, everything that happen in my life seems like hmm. Hmm again, i cried all over again. Weak ? huh ya im weak person. Cant to handle my feeling by myself. Like huh. Every night, when i cant sleep , i cry and cry and cry when thinking about my past , future , my sins , my probs,  bout you, bout everyone in my life. Harder, ya its getting harder . Idk why i must cry but nowadays , i mean since a few months ago , crying already being my lovely fantastic habit , hobby or wtv you want to call it. Like adsbghjj --' ikr. . It just be like that and that and that. Aku selalu bgtahu kat diri sendiri , "Bella you can do it. Stay positive. Everything gonna be okay. Kau kuat . Ya kau kena kuat. You must ! " then i will stop crying but in few seconds , the tears cant stop streaming down my face. non stop.



last night , when i called that person, from the beginning of the conversation , i cried yeah .But , hmm its different . Kalau sebelum aku nangis mesti awal awal dia da  perasan and ask me, " are you crying ? " . What such a good friend. Love you friend. But , kali ni, bila da nak habis conversation  aku dah tak tahan sangat aku terus nangis kuat kuat , i mean like ade bunyi nangis la kan. Then baru dia perasan yg aku tgh nangis... (( baru perasan wehh )) baru okay baru. Ohh man, seems like you dont know me anymore. Sedih kuasa infiniti. Yeah. Now you already change and me too. And you dont know me anymore..... oh why. I cant stop crying when thinking that miserable stuff. Just stop bella. Y're killing yourself . just die . no need to hurt yourself.



hmm, byknya bende yang aku simpan ,pendam, sampai kan aku jadi macam ni. tahpape annoying. and wtv. why bella why? ahh uhh ehh. Gila right? Allah..

























hmm cant stop crying . bbye . wish me luck in PMR . sorry for everything okay .

Assalamualaikum .

PMR

Bismillah . Assalamualaikum guys \\





okay , dalam masa 24 jam lagi aku akan duduk di dalam dewan As shafie . For PMR of course . So scared . Oh man. I must score in PMR , i must . Fraternity 98 must . I cant do any mistake anymore , i will not break my pa and ma 's hearts anymore . no way man. Too many mistake and  hearts that already broke into pieces b'cause of me. Oh Allah, help me. Help me . oh please help me.


i hope that everyone including the one that reading this post, i really hope that you guys can pray for us.

Forgives us if :


- sakitkan hati korang ke
- annoying kuasa infiniti ke
- ter-kurang ajar ke
- ter-tahpape ke
- and wtv la kan


sorry okay, and bye . Assalamualaikum :)


#PrayForFraternity98 #9A please

:Lets The Pic Talk:

#throwback 

#ZamanForm2

Bella.Syu.Ain.Nud.Put.Wafa.AinaIzzati.

Till Jannah.

too much love in 2012. People change but memory will keep the same.

SBP

 Bismillah. Assalamualaikum :)



okay , lets talk about 'permohonan kemasukan ting 4 ke sekolah berasrama penuh '


Ya Allah , susah nak buat keputusan . But  aku rasa macam aku kena pindah jugak next year. tapi aku nak stay tapi aku nak pindah. ahh delima eh dilema . fuhh. okay rn , aku tgh nak mengisi borang SBP . Ya Allah, takut nyaa. Harap harap dapat , aminn :)


fuhh~

(( doakan aku ngan dakdak 98 dapat 9A eh ))

(( doakan aku dapat SBP atau MRSM next year eh ))

(( thanks ))

Harder and harder

" Ya Allah , kuatkanlah hambamu ini "





payah , susah , sakit .




tapi aku kena kuat !




Dugaan yang Allah turun takkan pernah habis dan takkan pernah berhenti menghampiri kita. Takkan !
kerana dengan cara itu Allah ingin menguji hambanya , menguji tahap keimanan hambanya. Jika berjaya maka tinggilah iman seseorang itu. Dan aku wajib berjaya melepasi dugaan rintangan cabaran onak duri and bla bla bla ni. Yeahh aku kena kuat . haha . okay --'



hmm , act tadi okay . The tears . aku dah tak dapat tahan daa. Terdiam seketika  sewaktu  dalam conversation itu. Ya Allah , air mata ini tak dapat aku tahan lagi. Jika hari khamis hari tu, jumaat itu , sabtu itu , ahad itu , isnin itu , aku boleh tahan air mata ni.. kenapa tadi sewaktu  hmm , air mata ni.. Sedih , semestinya, sakit , lagilaa, tapi aku percaya aku kuat . Allah ade. Ain , Sufee , Bieha , Ain and bla bla bla pun cakap aku kuat . Perghh sadoo dohh aku. okay -.-

hmm aku jarang nangis , jarang sangat . Nak kata hati aku keras takdela mane. Tapi tahlaa , aku da penat nangis . Sometimes aku beranggapan orang yang menangis ni lemah. So , because of that ridiculous thought, aku pun tanak la nangis . But someone told me, a long time ago (( beberapa bulan lepas act )) , he told me that " orang yang nangis ni bukan nya lemah , sedangkan nabi Muhammad SAW sendiri , setiap malam nangis " . Ya Allah , hari itu baru ku tahu ape nikmatnya nangis, air mata yang mengalir membawa seribu kesakitan yang turut mengalir keluar dari diri hambamu ini. Bila Ain buat oral pasal air mata , baru aku sedar bahawa terselit sebuah nikmat , anugerah , kebaikan di sebalik air mata yang mengalir. Then since tu laa, aku ubah persepsi aku , but it doesnt mean that i cry a lot sekarang . No no no ! But , sometimes crying tu dah jadi peneman hidup. Mengenangkan dosa yang bertimbun timbun ni . Memang the tears non stop streaming down my face la kan . LOL . But , perempuan , ya im a girl .. hati perempuan ibarat kaca. sigh . haha


okaylaa penat tulis pepanjang bukan ade orang nak bace pun.

dah ahh bye.


doakan dakdak PMR , dapat 9A tau !
aminn



okay bye



Assalamualaikum u'olls

The Final Decision

Assalamualaikum :)


fuhh, bismillah . Okay , final decision. yeahh, i can do it. Done, everything is done. That is it. THE ENDING. not really, because no one knows about my future, your future , our future. If Allah let us to be together, alhamdulillah. But if not, .. (( redha )) jelaa. Nothing happen without reason. nothing . Kalau dah jodoh tak kemana, percaya pada Allah , much better right :) So , finally , i can do it. for everyone's sake , for my own sake , for your sake , for the sake of Allah. I know , this is the best decision  . Hard to accept ? Slowly, i know you can  because i can .Being best friend is better , right? So , that is it. The FINAL DECISION . THE BEST DECISION . Now , i can go through the right path, the path that connecting me to my creator , the Almighty Allah . Alhamdulillah :)





Taking the right path. Right step . Change. Be a better one.


9 A . PMR hot to go . I can do it. Fraternity 98 can do it !


Doa . Usaha . Istiqamah . Tawakal .

R4BIA

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :)

#R4BIA !

dude, nowadays , too many wars in this cruel world.  Very pathetic right? And what are we doing right now ? including me. Prayer for them is enough. Remember, prayer weapon of the believer! Syria, Egypt, Palestine! they are all our brothers and sisters. Muslims wake up, wake up! We are not created by Allah to be oppressed by unbelievers! NOT at all! 

WE CAN ! ISLAM CAN ! PALESTINE CAN ! SYRIA CAN ! EGYPT CAN ! # R4BIA forever! ALLAHU AKBAR ! ALLAHU AKBAR ! ALLAHU AKBAR !

#PrayForOurSistersAndBrothers #R4BIA 

Bonjour :*

hai hai hai .

Assalamualaikum.

bosan kuasa infiniti .

Us

This is us .

this year gonna be historical year . PMR. yeahh. 

Hari raya kat maahad tahun ni best sebab dapat same same ngan kawan kawan. 

they are my heartbeats.

20 days

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :)


in within 20 days left, i will sit for PMR . So scared. Aku tak tahu kenape aku masih tak yakin dengan ape yang akan berlaku nanti. Bila aku flashback sekali lagi dan lagi, melihatkan result trial aku yang tidak meyakinkan aku. Seriously, ade satu perasaan yang menghantui aku . Ya Allah,aku  letih dengan semua ni ,  tapi demi perjuangan ini. Aku kena kuat. Never be like before . Thats it. Kalau semua orang ketika ini hanya memandang aku dengan sebelah mata je, nvm , i'll prove to all of you, to the world, that i can do it . Kerana aku percaya Allah itu sentiasa ade disisi aku, tika aku jatuh, tika aku sesat di dunia aku sendiri. InsyaAllah :)










oh Allah ,

please guide me.


oh Allah ,

Thanks for everything.

Hey there ^^

Okay bismillah. Assalamualaikum :)

hai hai hai. Okay, ni first time buat blog sendiri. hopes everythings gonna be okay :)

nice to meet u'olls. 

okay bye. Assalamualaikum :)